inertia: Physics. The tendency of a body to resist acceleration; the tendency of a body at rest to remain at rest or of a body in straight line motion to stay in motion in a straight line unless acted on by an outside force.
... and i would have to say that about sums up the answer to a question i was recently asked.

once upon a time when i was a little younger and thought i knew all the answers, thought i knew myself... i did a few things at the time i thought to hurt other people but looking back i see that mostly it hurt myself. and i also see that deep down, i knew it at the time and that was probably my main motivation. god its so nice to be young and know all the answers without having to live with the experience and the aftermath.

i have been thinking so much these past few days but i've been so busy and so .. crowded .. so as not to have a moment to write things down and figure it out for myself. i need to do that, because even in my head i find i'm always lying to someone. not lying per say, but always choosing words or justifying thoughts for different audiences, even for myself. when i write, i just write and think about it afterward, no censor.

i'm afraid of what i'm doing with my life. afraid that i'll look back in another 5 years and think this was the young and stupid me just as much as i think that about myself five years ago today. and i suppose "such is life." thats probably something you never get away from. here goes:

when is it worth it to stay and when is it worth it to go? if someone hurts you more then once where does forgiveness end and stupidity/naivety begin? where is that line? i wish i would've written down the words in that conversation the other night. then i could perhaps answer that question more clearly. i have a tendancy to block out the really hurtful things, then i just get angry with myself for not having the answers. sigh. well, i don't have the answers right now. but i'm working on it. starting with, why do you talk to me like that?

| Previous | Next | History |