i really tried to change my ticket the other day. because i'm bored, because i want you to pick me up and because i want to go clubing with you... which is probably similarly complicated. i trust that you won't do anything, but i still feel angry. why do you tell me you have no time when you have all the time for your clubs and your friends.

i guess i'm just going on the offensive for nothing, considering that i'm not there and i don't even know what our lives will be like when i get back.

it doesn't really and truly bother me if you go out by yourself. i hope you'll have fun and you won't embarrass me. Your self image and confidence need to grow up a bit. The way you define self worth and success. Maybe then you won't always be in competition to be better then everyone.

doesn't everyone start out like us at some point? and everyone thinks they'll be the ones to make it? doesn't that make it easier to just marry someone you aren't in love with in the first place, so that it isn't devestating when you fall out of love? i'm so afraid of losing, of hurting. i'm afraid of waking up fifteen years down the road and not knowing the first moment that we stopped kissing. or holding hands. or eating in silence. or even having nothing to talk about, nothing more in common except the house we live in.

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