oh i'm so happy and excited. its sunny! december is so dark and dreary, in my opinion. for the majority of the month, any way. i think its gradually been getting lighter and lighter, but i just really noticed today. its almost 3 o'clock and its bright out. this time last month is was dark when i got to work, and dark when i left for home. plus i sit in front of a great big window. so i have plenty of opportunity to notice when the sun starts going down. maybe i won't even need my headlights on the way home today? i'll cross my fingers.

well, its month end again. i love month end. its like a mini new year's for me. i go over the last month, and make up my mind about the new month and everything that i'm going to do, and everything that i'm not going to do. sometimes i stick to it, but most times not. although i'm working towards an improvement.... heh. i have to stop wasting money on useless things. and i have to stop letting other people decide things for me. what i'm going to do, where i'm going to be, when i'm going to do something or be somewhere. i just have to start doing whatever i feel like and whatever works best for me and other people can work around my schedule. basically, i need to learn how to live like a man. i find men have a much easier time putting their foot down on what they consider the facts of life that are uncompromisable. women on the other hand often fall victim to the need to please disease. not that i feel the need to please... but i just think that if it is in my power to do anything for anyone and it doesn't hurt me, or someone else, or substantially interfere with my life... why not? i need to start asking 'why?' instead though. because i think i do far too much. i think unless i stop being so accomodating, people are just going to take me for granted and expect my nice-ness and generosity as a given. which its not.

i guess a good illustration is the system of credit and debit. men seem to work on the debit system. you cash $1000 into the bank and you may withdraw on that amount. perhaps if your account is in good standing you have a little bit of overdraft. whereas women work on the system of credit. we advance a credit limit of $1000. if your account is in good standing, at least for some portion of time, we may increase your credit limit. but you don't necessarily ever have to make a payment, and we don't really become disgruntled until the account is already way to far in arrears to be resolved. does that make sense?

any way, the point of all that was... the credit department is closed.

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