well, so far its another good morning, with the possibility of being a great day. i think i'll reply to an email I received here, (a little bit), because it has really made me think over the last little while. i received it on jan. 14th, and i suppose that's even noticeable from my past entries. the email was sent by a friend, and in part contained the following:

 - "Some of your posts over the last while have left me scratching my head wondering what exactly was going on with you." I thought about that. And its true, for the most part I've been very vague, but plainly unhappy. That realization prompted me to think about what I'm doing wrong. I think that I've been very tired... sick of people and the world and the take first, ask questions later attitude. I thought if I did nothing and gave nothing and waited for the world to bring itself to me on a silver platter all of my problems would be solved. Of course, that did not happen, which just made me more bitter. Then I thought if I was the one to do all the work and the giving and what have you, that everyone around me would follow suit and give what they were getting. That didn't happen either.

 - "If you want or need anybody to talk to at some point, I'm willing to listen.... You were a great friend when we worked together. Hell, I'd even go so far as to say that you were one of the people I actually looked forward to seeing in that office. You certainly were a pillar for morale, even if management dogged you every way they could. Especially in light of that, I always admired your strength of character. I always respected your talents and accepted the person you were and can't even begin to fathom, in your own words, why anybody wouldn't appreciate you.... So with that in mind.... Keep in touch."

I was so pleasantly surprised to receive that email that I think my faith in people was restored... or at least enough to get me started. I guess my problem has been that I've always painted every person with one brush. Each individual person that disappoints me somehow becomes the spokesman or figurehead for every single other person in the world, including those I have not met. Clearly that can be a recipe for disaster, given that we are not a giant collective, nor should any one person pay the price for another person's shortcomings.

Thank you again to every person who doesn't live in a me first world, to every person who would take a moment to cheer somebody up, or offer their support, to every person who doesn't let their past experiences get them down, and who continues to give people the benefit of the doubt. In short, thank you to every person who helps other people's life experience to be a little bit richer.

Mostly due to that email, I've decided that I'm going to change my living philosophy again. I'm going to do the things I want, and be the kind of person that I would like to know. If something happens to disappointment me somewhere along the way, that will be okay. Because I'll do what I'm able for other people, without overextending myself, and without giving up because of one... or even 50 bad experiences. I'll treat every case individually, and every person individually instead of lumping us all into one boat. I know I certainly wouldn't want to be in the same boat as everyone else... say someone is lied to or cheated on or stolen from... and I pay the price for something I didn't do, nor did I have any responsibility for. That hardly seems fair.

Yay for my new found energy and enthusiasm. Yay for people who make other people's life experience better. Yay for trying new things and not giving up until I get it right.

| Previous | Next | History |