today will be a very dark day. i'm sure everyone has been in this position at some point in their life... when someone gives you very important (in my case, life changing) information but you cannot act on it, nor can you talk about it because the person who told you wants to remain annonymous.

a rock and a hard place. what do i do? of course, i'm glad that i know. i wouldn't want to know how much longer i could have gone on without knowing... i don't want the person to feel as if they shouldn't have told me because i couldn't protect them as the source. maybe its time to pack up and move home. do i want to leave my job? do i want to leave my life here? i guess its not that big of a deal. i could get a job right away.

sometimes i can't believe my luck. or that someone could get into so many stupid situations in their life or do so many stupid things, or be affected by stupid things they have no control over. all three. over and over again. it must mean that i'm stupid, right? well, maybe not, but naive. i must be very naive. which surprises me because i've always thought that i was very cynical and skeptical. but apparently not.

what is an answer here? do i hide myself away until i think i'm older or wiser or better equiped to make my own decisions? or do i just treat it as an isolated case, see the trees for the forest and not the other way around? better luck next time?

i dunno. this is not the end of my good mood though. i'm just going to spend a lot of time thinking. and then i'll decide.

unconscious mutterings -
1. Political:: freedom
2. Concentration::
3. Fish:: green
4. Lunacy:: eccentricity
5. Red:: light
6. Imply:: lying without lying. covering something up.
7. Recognize:: stupidity
8. Sexist:: pig
9. Commercial:: is a bar on whyte
10. Stricken:: fear

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