i should totally be in bed right now but i think i'll take a moment for personal reflection any way, because i need it. lately i've felt like just crying or being sad. for sort of no apparent reason. i'm happy, but not entirely. maybe its just that i need to process everything that has been going on in my whirlwind. starting class, meeting new people, starting placement, breaking ribs, being sick, moving to a new place, having no job and no money (that's shitty), people going to jail. or maybe i'm just a big sissy baby. or maybe i like misery because it had me at hello.

i don't know. probably the first option. maybe all three. i'm exhausted, and i feel really lonely at the moment. i'm surrounded by people and there are always so many things going on, but i think maybe there are a lot of draining interpersonal experiences. maybe that's the loneliness. that i don't have a me for me. i'm everybody else's me.

i think that's the problem. i wish i had someone or some people that i could just relax with and not worry about their problems and their life and fixing things and saying or doing the right thing. i wish someone could just take care of me for a bit. watch a movie. go for a beer. go for a walk. i don't care. just something wherein a crisis doesn't arise that needs solving. unless its mine.

oh, and joel, if you're reading this i have a gmail account, too. but i'm out of the tech loop and i had no idea that was a good thing, or a thing of any nature at all. tell me about that, what's the scoop?

this friday five is a bit deep for my liking, but here she goes:
1. What is something that you used to believe, but are glad you don't believe anymore? i used to believe that life is what you make of it, now i believe its what it makes of you.
2. Is there something you wish you still believed? What? ha! many things. i wish i believed i had all the answers still. among many other things, but that about covers them.
3. What experience or person taught you the most about life? hmm, i've taught me the most about life. as for a particular experience, i don't know, having to learn everything the hard way.
4. What area of life would you like to know or understand more about? i would like to understand more about religion. i would like to know more about everything.
5. What is your most valuable lesson about life so far? this is getting redundant. um... nobody will love you more then you love yourself... trusting no one is safe but unsatisfying... failure does not equate a lack of success. lots of things. the most valuable lesson about life is life itself (in summary).

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