hmm, i feel stupid. life is stupid, well not life. but living silly. i don't like that so much. go back to solitude, its comfortable there. where are your walls, stay behind them. they're familiar. don't get caught up in this stupid talk and girly thinking, that's not you. whatever happens, happens. remember? let it happen, don't think about it, don't talk about it, don't anticipate it just let whatever happens, happen.

that makes more sense. then you don't have to be so moody. you annoy yourself being happy one moment and sad the next and confused and angry and satisfied and excited and unsure and all that bull. stop it. it's irritating.

so... i'm back now. back to normal. no more crap and all that pink fluffy swirly girly 'tee-hee' stupid shit. its december now, my new year. december is the big thinking it out, planning out, redo what you didn't do last year kind of month for me. so i have a lot of reflection to do and self learning and goal setting. i think overall though this was an extremely empowering year for me. i did many things and i think i'm a better person then i was at this time last year. definately a stronger person who stands up for things more and doesn't put up with crap or hide behind crap. that's good. but as per previous commentary, a little bit annoying with all the stupidness and that may be a goal for this coming year. here's a good friday five:

• 1. If you were a shoe, what would you look like? if i were a shoe i would be a black combat boot with an open steel toe and red laces and i would be a well worn in comfortable favorite.
• 2. If you were a t-shirt, what would you say? i would be a pink baby tee with flowers and swirly writing that said, "Take a hike, B.A.M.F.'s!" LOL. i should get that made.
• 3. If your house caught on fire and was burning to the ground...what is the one thing you'd save and why? i'm pretty sure this one has already been answered, but, probably my box of journals and/or my scrapbooks
• 4. If you were a book...would you read yourself? what kind of a dumb ass question is that? of course i would read myself and i would be an autobiography and thank you very much, i do read myself.
• 5. If you could do anything at all (without consequences), what would you do? ha. that's funny. um, i would make people have a flash-forward experience of the life of the one person that they affected the most negatively, but then, i would want the consequences. is this supposed to be some kind of vindictive question? i'm not really vindictive. i don't really want to do anything that i wouldn't accept the consequences for.

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