wow. tonight was crazy. i started out wondering where * was coming from. which i know is bad because i said i wouldn't do that, i said that i was just going to let that be one thing that i don't over analyze in life. just let it happen, its not a race, or a game and i stand nothing to gain, nothing to lose, and nothing to prove. which is a good theory, i should stick to it.

any way, because there are so many mixed messages? like when i talk to him today and he said he would love to come have a nap with me? why would he love that? so then i was wondering if he read the letter that i wrote him, so i read it to see what it would be like from his perspective. and then i thought about a whole bunch of other things and reread my journal because i figured it was a good idea. then i loved my first entry so much and i thought i should write more, especially in the program because i'm probably going to have so many things to think and say. any way, i went to go put it online and started reading devil's lair and i was so impressed with that i had dan read it. i'm so happy. i'm not afraid of anything i've felt or thought or said because its all so real and me. and amazing, even for me... i don't even know me that well most of the time.

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